But, you are going to have to wait, because I just came back from Orlando, were I been for the past 4 days among 2,600 woman (and a couple of brave -very, very brave, men) enclose quarters, tons of mental stimulation (and no ITS NOT THAT) and right smack in the middle of the happiest places on earth (that is a straight quote from the BFF) – CODE WORD: Fucking Disney World (lord.help me!).
While I was gone, something happen at home, something so funny and juicy, I need to really sit and give the story, its full attention so you, Internet, can fully laugh your head off. But, let me give you a bit of a preview: It involves, 2 squirrels, a chimney and lots of black sod.
I promise I will post it soon. In the meantime I have to go and relax, wipe off the Disney World happy pill, and get ready for my mommy’s birthday (tomorrow). CODE WORD: Shopping!
Has it been 10 days since I turned Forty? Yes it has and wow, it does not feel like it, but there it is, I’m forty. A forty year old woman! Actually, a cool forty-year old if you ask me.
The planned celebration turned into a weekend celebration. My best friends came down from different parts of the country and settle down in my town to harass me and to never let me forget that, yes god be dammed, I’m old.
Saturday was pretty easy day. I ran errands with the BFF, who made sure that everyone we spoke to knew I was old. The supermarket clerk, the liquor stored attendant, the cake place owner, the lady parked on the street – EVERYONE!
That night a simple dinner turned into a mixture of new and old. On one side of the table, I had my friends, my family. On the other side of the table I had my future family, Tom’s mom, sister-in-law, brother and smack in the middle was me. Basting on all the attention, because of course it was about me. All presents were respectfully displayed and enjoyed. And of course there was cake – a lot of cake!
So far 40 rocks!
The next day we decided that I we needed to feel young again, and we headed out to Bush Garden. After a light breakfast we entered fake Africa and set out to find the scariest roller coaster in the park. We started with the wooden roller (because the other smaller one was closed) Gwazi. Let’s just say that I hated them before, and I still hate them now. My insides feel like a blender, it took ups about 1 hour to feel normal again after all that shaking around.
After much debate we decided to go all out and ride SheiKra. The park named it after an African hawk that dives down for its prey, this roller coaster is the first vertical-drop coaster in the U.S with a true 90 degree vertical drop.
This is the BAD-ASS of the coaster world.
If this does not make one feel young, nothing else will. We made the line and dragged the BFF shaking and howlering that it was not fair – Yeah, forty is NOT FAIR. – SUCK UP!
Instead of a train of cars, SheiKra uses single cars that contain three extra-wide rows of eight seats each. To accommodate the wide cars, the tubular steel track is also unusually wide. The “floorless” cars have no floors–or sides or backs. The cars are essentially seats bolted to a chassis. The open design leaves riders especially vulnerable for the ensuing dives. (Told you, BAD.ASS)
Although the two back rows offer “stadium seating” and afford good views, the front row features the primo seats. With nothing above, below, or in front of them, the dives are all the more terrifying (in a good way) for those in the first-row.
We sat on the second road – the compromise for having dragged the best friend to this kicking and screaming.
As with other floorless coasters, once passengers are secured and the ride is cleared for takeoff, the loading platform drops away, and a gate in front of the car swings open with a dramatic flourish. SheiKra rounds a bend, latches on to the chain lift, and chugs up a surprisingly steep (47 degree) lift hill. At 200 feet, the hill is high enough to provide spectacular views of the park and the city of Tampa beyond.
“Hey! There’s Tampa and…Holy SHIT!”
The car slowly navigates a 180-degree “carousel” at the top of the coaster and faces the drop. There is a slight jerk as the car momentarily stops, followed by a false start as it crests the top and hangs perilously over the edge for an agonizing 3-4 seconds. At this point, you really have the ”HOLY SHIT.WE.ARE.GOING.TO.DIE” moment. Especially when you look down and see nothing but air in front of you. Then you hear the click of the break release and….
Eeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh! – (For real)
The 90-degree drop reaches a bone-rattling 70 mph and feels all the more bracing with the open, floorless car. SheiKra soars into a huge “Immelman” loop (a diving loop named for a German army pilot who performed acrobatic maneuvers). It then swoops around, soars heavenward, and slows as it approaches a second 138-foot, 90-degree dive. Instead of hanging over the edge, however, it drops without hesitation and enters into a disorienting, fog-filled tunnel. Then it soars up and down before it skids over a pool of water (The coolest thing ever!) that sends huge plumes of water spray into the sky and onto midway spectators before it races back to the station.
It was an unapologetic 2 minute 20 second thrill ride. No wimps allowed on this one. I highly recommend it for any 40-year old. While I posted Pictures… the Video (with very appropriate music for it) can give you a itzy-bitzy virtual ride.
Ok this has to be the best thing besides chocolate and cake. (ok, maybe NOT cake, but its close!).
I’m updating my wish list in Amazon, because you all know that in 16 days I will be dancing on top of tables and getting totally drunk, celebrating a birthday.
And of course what is better than cake on a birthday? Presents! wrapped up in pretty paper and with nice cute ribbons that way we can act all 5-year old and shreed it to pieces and ohhh and ahhh over the contents.
So, I knew that I need to update it so, off I went. And while clicking here and there, I feasted my eyes on this:
Better than Chocolate?
Ahhh HELL TO THE YES!
Ok, internet this is IT! This is the da-bomb, this is like an early present. Because how many times you wish that you could be putting everything that you see on your internet shopping spree in one single list and then sort of pass it around, like you passed notes in class?
The Amazon people came up with just that… it allows you to add products from any website to your Amazon Wish List with one simple click. And then your item will appear on your Amazon wish list and then you can tell the world about it… or you can put a button on your web site (hint, hint – look over there, to the right, it’s a plane, it’s a bird, its that BUTTON!) or you can simply tell people “Dude, go to my wish list”, when they ask you what do you want for your birthday/Christmas/because I love you day. And you will be all happy and shit because you are getting something you wanted as to oppose of getting something that THEY thought you would like.
I got crafty today and decided that I need to go back to my design roots, because I need to play and I need to created and I need to not feel like this whole month the 40’s are going to be ruling.
So I gave it a spin… what does this mean?
Wait until I come up with something in January… I think I found a new calling.
And that internt is the number of days (as of today) that are left before I hit the big FOUR-O number. As in FORTY… as in HOLY SHIT, I’m going to be the dreaded four-zero!
Where.in.the.hell.has.the.time.gone?
Because, it seems like only yesterday I was drinking shots, and dancing on top of tables. Instead now I’m drinking water wine, and going to bed by nine. Because this tired body can not sustain the abuse that I put it through on my twenties and my thirties.
The body? Yeah, well it’s telling me that is pay-back-time.
The thing is that as much as I want to be freaked out about the whole thing. I’m not – ok, maybe when as I get closer to the date, I may change my mind. But, for now, I’m actually ok with it. I mean, I don’t feel forty (or at least what forty should feel like), I certainly do not look forty (but, then lots of people look better today than what they did in their 20’s!) so all that combination is helping me forget that I’m hitting a milestone.. as in I’m entering my “middle-age” – thining hair, droppy boobs, and heartburn does not apply.
Big birthdays are benchmarks and as I look back, I feel I never been in a better place in my life. (it will be even better if I win the lottory tonight, we can still dream big right?) For the first time there’s a sense of accepting who I am rather than of being what someone else expects. I have someone who adores me (love you Boo!), I have a great group of friends (HI GUYS!), I have my family, who can be a pain in the butt, but I love unconditionally anyway. I have a job and a roof over my head (where many today don’t have one). Ok, if I’m honest, I may not have everything I once thought I wanted. But, I guess as we age, it’s easier to see what we want and how to achieve it. In my twenties I had no a clue of what I wanted. In my thirties I was to busy doing what I should have been doing in my twenties, mainly those shots and table dancing episodes. Now with my “forty” around the corner, I have taken stock and see what I have accomplished and I’m happy and proud of them, even as I realized that it’s not as much as I dreamed.
But oh boy have I learned things along the way… so here are some of the reasons I’m going to embrace turning 40 in seventeen days…
YOU’RE wiser, after decades of burning the candle at both ends- by saying yes to everyone, you have finally learned when to say ‘no’ – and boy do I have that one down pat! (Except when it comes to my mother, I still cannot say ‘no’ to her).
A LOT has happened in your life which makes you a better person to sit next to, according to actress Jodie Foster. She said: “I think women are more interesting in their 40s. They’ve lived longer, they’re more confident about their choices and they don’t have to be hip and cool any more, which I think is a godsend–you make really bad choices when you are trying to be hip.”
A woman over 40 will never wake her other half in the middle of the night and ask, “What are you thinking?” (Oh Please)
YOU lived through the Eighties the first time around, which means today you’re wise enough to avoid hideous style revivals like luminous clothes, jump suits and leg warmers.
You stop worrying about what people think and begin being true to yourself. (No more pleasing people that don’t like you anyway) “At the age of 20, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at 30, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at 40, we discover that it wasn’t thinking of us at all.”
You realize age isn’t a number but how you feel! “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind it doesn’t matter!”
So this past weekend we (as in the BF and I) continue to celebrate his birthday… because well, he got lucky that I was going to be AWAY for his birthday and my guilt led me to start celebrating last weekend and toping it off this weekend with a actual birthday BBQ. Because I’m a GIRLFRIEND and that is what WE.DO. We make the guy happy and hope that he gives us presents, sparkling presents to be exact.
After coming back from Phoenix, from a long, long flight… I got home to go to bed, because the time difference just beat the crap out of me. Plus, after traveling in different time zones, numerous times, that is what you are suppose to do in order to adapt to the time zone you are actually in (as to oppose the one you think you are), and Thursday, I got home at 8pm, (not 4pm in Phoenix time) which means that after I got home, unpacked, ok, ok…left the suitcase in the middle of the room, and jumped in the shower I was done and off to bed I went. To be woken up by the BF, hours later wanting some action.
We got busy… and I called in a personal day at work on Friday.
You would think that I took full advantage of my Friday off, right? Instead of staying in bed, to enjoy the personal day, I ended up running around town shopping for food and party stuff, because the next day we were having a birthday BBQ. And so it went, and then Saturday was spent cooking, decorating, and freaking the shit out, because that is what I do… I freak out, when things are TOO.MUCH. The BBQ was a success, so all that energy freaking out, yeah, well zap me out. But, the BF loved the BBQ, and I learned that he can work wonders in the grill, mainly: he knows how to play with fired in a responsable, adult way – by NOT burning down the house or the chicken – we were golden.
Sunday, Father’s Day came and went and he was treated to more attention … I’m starting to think all this events were done on purpose as sort of a test to make sure that I was up to the task of having June not be about me, but, about him. While in another time this would have pissed me off, the universe knew that I was down with all of that because there was one thing that I could never say no to:
This past weekend we organized a Surprise party for the husband of a good friend of mine. Since I love to entertain, we went all out. We called it Dirty Fiesta Surprise. (Cool name eh?) The idea was to take the simple elements of a children party and adultisize it (new word!). So we came up with the menu, which was Latin, and then we all thought Fiesta theme and what do you find in a fiesta? Piñata! Pin the donkey!, and since we had such a good success with our monthly pictionary parties, we threw that in there too. Because we are crafty that way.
Anyways in order to adultsize it, we needed to make it Dirty (as in good dirty). We made the piñata (if you never done one, go and do it, tremendous fun, especially if you add the element of liquor-needs-to-be-present scenario.), we then came up with the elements to fill it up with: Liquor chocolate, liquor bottles, panties, condoms, handcuffs, dirty cards, dice with raunchy sayings, whips, more candy and confetti. We knew that the ‘regular’ pictionary was NOT going to cut it with the new theme, so we made up our new cards for our adult pictionary, and decided to make the playing cards all about sexual innuendos and stuff. Did you know internet that there is a sexual position called “the squid”? And apparently there are a lot of landmarks around the world that make good positions too. Look that up – I dare you!
But then we had to get the people to buy into the idea. So we thought what better way to do this than a pre-game when they were introducing themselves? We came up with name tags for each of them. The twist? The names tags were based on your “porn name” and this put it over the top. The object of the game was not to call anyone by their regular name, but their porn name during the evening. So, you heard a lot of “Ms. Fuego Butt”, “Mr Hump-Hump”, “Ms. Mona Cream”, “Mr. Maxx Cum alot”. I cannot even describe the hilariousness that followed. Simply to say there was a lot of giggling and finger pointing, name calling and bathroom runs.
So no wonder this took place with one of our guest.
“Mr. Deep Slammer”. Was sent post-haste to the 7-11 store in the corner for a “Red-Bull” run. And as he was paying for the drinks this conversation followed:
7-11 Girl Clerk: “So, do you live up to that?”
Guest (MrDS): “Excuse me?”
7-11 Girl Clerk: Pointing to his bring red lip name tag “Your name”
Guest (MrDS): “uh, mmm, uh… how much is the bill again?”
Mr. Deep Slammer could not get out fast enough.
Told you… my parties?
way OVER the TOP.
up, close and personal with the name tag of the story:
Tonight I was taken to sushi for my birthday… my sister showed up with some goodies… like this big thing, that took over most of the small locale… nothing said it better “Hey there is a birthday OVER.THERE” with this over our heads:
The funny part of it it was that no matter how much we wanted to turn it into a “39″ it keep moving to a “93″ we gave up and finally realized that “93″ was the magic number… I’m so using it on Saturdays lotto pick! (AN NO STEALING!)
As with all birthdays… we had to make fool of ourself… oh wait, no… they had not make FOOL of the BIRTHDAY girl like this:
Because you know I needed to make good or else I was not going to get some of this:
My sister forgot that I was trying to be a SERIOUS “Thirtysomething” she did not get the MEMO… so we did the best thing yet:
Blew those party hats out, eat some cake, the some more tempura cheesecake, “on the house” and then walk out the door and made sure we documented the facts:
Off to the airport for a weekend of awesome food, shopping, friends, CAKE!, cold, and hopefully snow (according to the weather gods, snow is in the horizon, coming to us by Sunday, pictures of us playing in the snow are sure to follow – tacky much?).
We still do not have much of itinerary but I’m sure we will come up with something fabulous to do. The NYboys are all well connected in the city.
Today, Thirty-something (because if I gave out her age, she will skin me alive) years ago,my little sister came into the world, according to my mom, very demanding and her own special way (she was a breach birth). She has not change one bit, she is still very demanding (of herself and others), always wants to do it her way and she has the biggest heart that I know of. She will not show it to you, with my sister you would always see the tough exterior. Those that are lucky to be call her friends, are the ones that took the time to really get to know her, to cut away at that exterior to get to the soft side of her (not everyone has the ability to see that).
Our relationship has not always been one of the best. We had our ups and downs and being older and wiser does not necessarily help. But, for the last year or so we have gotten closer, (ok, maybe being older and wiser has helped after all) to the point that we can be in the same room and actually like each other (big improvement). And to me that has been a great gift…and one that I plan to treasure. I guess I needed to take the time to cut away at the exterior, and realized that they were always a soft side inside.
So happy birthday sis! Remember to share the cake.
I’m taking the sis there to celebrate her birthday which will take place this coming Friday. We are meeting up with the NYBoys, the BFF and hopefully we will NOT freeze our asses off.
I been to NYC numerous time (its one of my favorite cities to travel to) and I’m really looking forward to this trip, mainly because I never been to NYC during the holidays (see POLITICALLY CORRECTNESS)… and everyone raves about it… calling it magical.
Let’s hope its not magically cold (yes, I worry about the cold, because it makes one miserable, trust me)
While we don’t have anything planned in concrete, we are probably going to hit the “spots” to take those “hi, I been to NYC” see me pictures. I promise that I will try to take as many as I can before my fingers fall off from the COLD.
But, THEN! we have tickets for this and we are all really looking forward to it. I love their shows, and I never really been disappointed in all the ones that I have attended… I still have to eventually get my ass over to Vegas in order to see this one, then this one and lets not forget this one.
And while I know it will make it “colder”, I’m longing for a bit of snow… and not the kind that goes on a cone.
