What’s up Doc?

So yesterday I mosey over to my doctors office to talk about how a monster is lurking inside my body slowly killing me yucky I been feeling and to have it fix.

Now let me tell you, since I made the appointment I been a nervous wreck. Because you know using Google to search out the symptoms via the Internet is NOT RECOMMENDED! According to a couple of sites, I could be dying right this second with some unknown monster ravishing my body.

I know. I know… the THEATRICS are WAY.OUT.THERE.

So, I got out of work early (BONUS!) and then realized that I was like way early, and knowing how they hate for people to show up early, I stopped and bought a pair of jeans! See, I told you, I been OUT OF FUNK… I mean who goes shopping for a pair of jeans on their way to find out something is killing you inside?

Me, THAT’S WHO!

On a side note: The jeans are awesome! And ON SALE! (TRIPLE SCORE FOR ME).

Anyways, I get there, do the necessary paperwork and I get a room, to wait for the doctor, who, comes in not even 5 minutes after me. Let me tell you, I love this doctor. I love that he is old school, and take more than the necessary 10 minutes to talk about the problems and makes sure you understand his conclusions and the fact that he can keeps a ridiculous woman in his examination room from breaking out into a puddle of crazy, because she thinks a monster is killing her in the inside, tells you that he is A-Ok.

More than A-Ok if you ask me. He is a keeper.

So. the verdict?

He wants to run more test and see me again to discuss. He took me off my medication and told me to wait out 6 weeks before-mentioned test are done and to relax, that he is sure there is no monster lurking inside my body slowly killing me. And that he guarantees that after the six weeks I will be feeling much better.

The jury still on that one…

The only side effect now, according to the nice doctor, would be, experiencing less mood swings, and anxiety attacks.  Tom, upon hearing this said a silent prayer that he can have his crazy girlfriend back in full, and NOT that pathetic thing that has been living with him for the past few weeks. 

I will be happy with knowing that I can go a full day without needed a  nap.

Viva but, a bit freaky

I’m still alive, very, very tired, but alive.

This past weekend I had terrible chest pains while shopping with the mother in Macy’s (and it was not because I was looking at the price of those shoes). It suddenly struck me and took me down for the count. I ended up sitting, clutching my chest, and looking every bit of taking a major shit, among the bras and panties department – NOT the shopping trip my mother had envision.

After breathing deeply and having her drive me home, the whole thing went away. But not my apprehension that something is wrong with me. You know on the “INSIDE” (I’m totally doing the air quotes, so you know how serious this is).

Let me tell you when it comes to my health, I’m a bit of a drama queen (ok, most of the time I’m a drama queen – SHUT UP!). For the most part I’m pretty healthy, always been. But when I do get sick, it usually turns out to be something x-filying (totally just made that up!). It cannot be something normal; it has to be something totally wild and OUT THERE – because apparently that is how my body rolls.

About 12 years ago (has it been that long – DAMN). I was schedule for surgery to take out some fibroids that my OBGY had found after a routine sonogram. It turned out, that while she was opening me up, OPPS! it was NOT some fibroids, but a tumor, above the uterus. They called in a internal surgeon, who took out the tumor, as well as part of my lower intestine and a 30 minute surgery turned into a 5 hour OR experience for my family while I was in anesthesia land – GOOD TIMES!. I ended up in the hospital for 6 days and was place under the watchful eye of an oncology doctor, for a year. Because, while the tumor looked benign, cancer was a powerful visitor in my family and you know they wanted to make sure it was not that while the pathology department came back with the final verdict.

And after 6 months, the results from the NTGPS came back that the tumor was really a form of a Dermoid Cysts.  Some people call it “absorbed Twins”, presumably because it’s freakier and makes a better story. “Wow, it would have been another person, and it’s been trapped in me all along” is just cooler than “some of my cells were displaced while I was a fetus.”

See totally freakier!

Anyways, after that I had 2 more surgeries and everything has gone smoothly.  The last one was about 2 years ago and it was to remove my gallbladder.

The pain that I had this past Saturday was totally similar to the pain I experience before the doctor rule it was stones in the gallbladder and needed to be removed. So see, why this episode is keeping me awake at night??? If it’s not the gallbladder, because you know that’s NOT THERE ANYMORE, then what the hell is it? What’s inside of me, ticking away in there? What? What? (told you, total drama!)

I have a doctor’s appointment next week, because frankly being freaky it’s just exhausting.

Decorating Frenzy coming up

In 2 days, I will have my personal decorating team (my friends) arrive from different corners of the country to help me polish up the new house. 

Code Word: BEAUTIFY!

I’m super excited, not only because I will see my NYBoys and BFF, which of course will only mean, lots of wine, margaritas, food, laughter, teasing, practical jokes and all that jazz that getting together with your core friends will incur. But I truly foresee, lots of furniture moving/re-positioning, friendly disagreements, color palate discussions, hard work, shopping! Organizing!, painting!, hanging stuff up!, and all the jazz that a quick house facelift will need.

Did I mention I’m SUPER excited?

But the really plus of all of this? I’m taking TWO vacations days off work.  Meaning that I’m not going to be a work for TWO FREAKING WHOLE DAYS.  Instead I will be with my buddies, doing all I mentioned above plus LOTS OF DRINKING and that is WAY better than sitting at my office desk, doing spreadsheets.

Can we please do a happy dance around the room… yes – thank you.

A time of giving…a Tip!

This year I have a total of 10 people who ended up in my dreaded desirable “Christmas gift list”. Out of all the things I do with plenty of time in my life, this is not THE.ONE.

I always leave this one to the last minute.

1. Because I hate to shop, and the anxiety-pack Christmas malls are not enough incentives.
2. The people on the list are really hard to shop for, because with the exception of one person (and you know who you are) none have got with the program and created a wish list.

So since most of my family and friends are lazy a**, it then falls on me to be a mind reader and sneaky detective (and not a good one mind you), trying to find out what they really want. Given that I hate to buy something for someone that will end up in the re-gift pile.  Its all about a gift that you love and want.

So, this year I decided to bite the bullet and start early and let it fall where it may. Which as to date, is as follow:

• Tom – BIG check mark on him. The best part of all? I bought it right under his nose, he has NO clue.
• Dominic (Tom’s son) – He is 7 years old. How easy can this be? Check and Check
• The future Mother in Law – this one was tricking and having the son tag along to help me DID.NOT.WORK. But, I got crafty and we took care of her.
• The BFF – Easiest one on the list – why? One word: WISHLIST!
• The NYBoys – what the hell can you buy 2 people that live in the NYC? If you live in Florida? NADA. I’m so perplexed on these two I think I may have a rash coming from the stress of thinking about it.
• The future sister & brother-in-law – Tom has the task of calling them up and asking nicely, what do they need. If that does not happen they are getting a gift card.
• My sister – This one is the hardest of the bunch, even harder than NYBoys. I simply do not have a clue.
• My mother – while she is harder than all of them put together, this year she broke some type of record and became one of the easiest. I’m thinking that my detective work may have something to do with it. When asked what she wanted, she sang like a canary and told me right off what she wished for – and it isn’t world peace people.

So I’m going to give everyone on my list a little bit of a tip this year:

WISH LIST PEOPLE, MAKE A WISH LIST!

The world would be a better place!

Score!

I have a confession to make… here it goes (some of you may want to cover your eyes, its going to hurt a little bit)

Ready? ah, uh….ok, ok…

I.hate.shopping.

I know, I know… you are probably all confused right now right? And thinking WTH? (we could go with the other WT… but there may be children in the room and we must behave!)

But, yeah, back to the topic at hand… the shopping thing?  Not so fond of it, which makes it a bit whacky, since I have, on numerous occasions, used this space to show you a the new purse that I need or else die want, or shoes, or jewelry…So there is a bit of contradictions on this post.  But you see, what I hate is not the actual buying of things, it’s the act of actually going to the mall and doing the shopping. I hate it. (yes, I repeating) And lest be honest here, that is why the Internet was invented people!

But sometimes the internet cannot help me.  Because, well I’m super picky when it comes to certain shopping, like, for instance, apperal.  In order for me to even think about plucking down huge amounts of money on a pair of pants (or any apparel for that matter), I need to feel it, and try it on, and then check it out as a CSI would check out a body for processing… I need to make sure that the amount of money I’m about to spend, merits the garnet.  I usually check the material, and the way it was constructed, where was it made? is it a timeless design? Can I keep it in my closet for a long time? And the list goes on and on.  So, see, the act of going to the mall and doing this, just exhaust the hell out of me… and don’t even get me started with the fact that the retail business is an endless pool of bad customer service.

And you all know how tolerant I am with stupidity.

So today, when I knew that I had to GO TO THE MALL… I worked my way into it and took Tom, to make sure that I did not kill any salesperson in the process as a buffer.

I needed a pair of sweaters, long sleeves shirts and I wanted to replace my old pair of corduroys pants in order to be presentable and not freeze my ass up in Maine this coming weekend (oh yeah, 1 day and I’m so out of here is not even funny, see the smoke behind me?).  So I figure, Old Navy (spare me the stares) which fit the bill, specially since my ATM card is having labor pains from birthing so much cash the last couple of weeks.

So off we go, and we park and we go into this store… in order to get to Old Navy.  As we walked in, what do I see? A pair of corduroys and a sign above with $8.98 splatter across it.  So I did what anyone would do… sent Tom to find a salesperson and this took place upon his return with one in tow…

Salesperson:       May I help you?
Me:                     yeah, are these pants $8.98
Salesperson:       yes, everything in the store is $8.98
Me:                     Excuse me? What do you mean?
Salesperson:       Everything that we sell here is $8.98 

SCORE!

My ATM card did a last push and out came out 2 corduroys, 1 pair of Bitten Jean, 2 sweaters, 1 T-shirt, 2 long-sleeves shirts and since I was on a roll and generous, Tom got a pair of Jeans and a dress shirt. 

I probably would have had more, except that Tom dragged me out of the store, before we went into a major cesarean.

Slowly but surely….then I got hit with an HDTV

Remember the operation-cleaning-closet-sweep? Did not happen until today, which is 2 days off my intended date…oh wait, make that 3 days, since its Saturday and I have NOT finish it yet.

Ok.. 1/2 of it its finished, the office work-clothes half.

The other half? No.so.much.  I got a bit side tracked.

No, I did not sit in front of my TV to watch DiscoveryHD or the Food Network in High Def because there is nothing more awesome than seeing the wrinkles on Paula Dean face as she eats the piece of apple pie…Who ever thought we could actually watch non-HD TV?  I mean she trumps the “trying it on, and either a) putting it away, b) does not fit, it goes in the donation bag activity any time.

But, back to the side tracked event… which went a bit like this:

While operation-cleaning-closet-sweep, cell rings:

Me: Hello?
The Mother:  Hey, what are you doing?
Me:  Cleaning closet
TM:  I thought you had done that, like 4 days ago?
Me: uh, yeah.. well no, started today, an I’m going to finish today.
TM:  So, you are kinda busy?
Me:  Sort off, why?
TM:  I decided to get the HDTV we saw the other day… want to come?
Me:  Sure! (inside my head – SHIT, the CLOSET!) what time?
TM:  We can be there in 1/2 hour.
Me:  Can I get Lunch? (there is nothing to eat at my house right now)
TM:  Yeah, we can do lunch.
Me:  I will be ready (SHIT, the closet… )

Why is it the TV always wins?

and of course a free lunch bought by the mother.