Its the global overall…

30 Aug

This weekend, over damn good caipirinhas. I was chatting with a really good friend of mine comparing our respective weekday “date” experiences – we are both on the dating market and we tend to sit and compare our male vs. female prospect pool – deep down I think we are just suckers for punishments plus we like to gossip about other people – (but this is purely my take and he will probably disagree on my assumption)

As I was telling him about “makeup” guy (date #38) he was telling me about his latest date, a “beautiful girl” (his words, not mine), 33 (he likes them young, he has his reasons, which I respect)… And how his date went… which happen to leave him confuse, since he likes her – “she is very beautiful, but she is troubled and has issues” (again his words). He went into more detail but basically was venting his frustration as to not understanding women at all, he got the feeling that she did not know what she wanted – (welcome to my world buddy!) It seems the beautiful girl, made him promise to call on her on Sunday, which he did… And she never called back…his take? She was “Not very reliable” (again, his words). And, I say it again: welcome to my world!

At that moment I came to a realization, we both faced the same issues. I thought that it was me having all of these problems with dating all the wrong guy, they look good on paper, but then when I meet them face to face, and they just lack something: personally, common sense, ambition a JOB!.. Its just NOT so there, and its getting damn frustrating! My friends venting made me realized, I was not ALONE. Thank you buddy!

Today I went out with Date #39, which was originally my failed Date # 37. As I got home, I found my friend online and one thing lead to another and we started comparing, since I mention my date. Short version: My date was to young, his beautiful girl had called and apologized for her behavior – which gave her points in my book, but according to him, she was still “trouble” and he was going to wait and see but, will continue to pursued her. I jumped in and could not resist in teasing him, telling him, that for him it was all about the “beauty” factor. And he came up with this response… “Eventually, it’s the global overall! Beauty is not everything”. I cracked up… loved the quote and ask his permission to use it too… I mean, when he said it, a little light bulb when “on” on my head and I started to think about something called “Certainty”.

A few words about certainty, first, there is no such thing. Well, very, very rarely. I have known when something was going to happen, but that doesn’t mean I knew how it was going to turn out. I mean we hope for it, we wish for it, and if we are really good, we make it happen. But, in the long run, we have no control over how other people feel about you in the first place. Eventually, it will just crumble up and die and a bad death at that, usually those that pretty much stink up for the rest of your life and leave you either with a good lesson (that we try not to repeat) or just something we regret.

When I was in my last relationship, He would rave to me about how wonderful I was. We reveled in our differences and the seeming mismatch. I was charmed by his security, he was proud of my accomplishments. (I never said I wasn’t perverse.) The world might think we were wrong for each other, but we knew better. I floated along on enthusiasm. It was a house of cards an illusion. After that break-up I questioned my judgment. I tried to rethink my entire approach to relationships. Except for the first few weeks, he had made me miserable, with his moodiness and his “rules” and “selfishness”, masked in “logic”. I knew all along that he was a bad-news boyfriend. I knew it wouldn’t last, as sure as I knew I would pursue him right after we first met. I knew that I would take what I could get from him and that it was worth it even though I knew the relationship would be short-lived. I have made this choice too many times. Not because I don’t like myself, because I don’t put up with lousy treatment for very long and never quietly, but because, I like the excitement. I feed off the conflict. This is the bad part of the number. I have made the decision not to do this again and I haven’t so far. I feel more confident then ever that I won’t. And do I regret my time with the last boyfriend? Not really.

Because, deep down I now, it comes down to the “global overall”.

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