Stringing along? I may think of the consequences later.

6 Oct

The time has come to buckle up and not wimp out – so hard when good chemistry is involved, but I need to really get my head around this and make a decision.

Today, “right under your nose” gave me a little behavior curve ball, those that come at you unexpected and oozing of double meaning – (hate those).

But, let me give you a bit of background.

RUYN and I have fallen on a routine so to speak. We see each other about 2 times a week tops; we sort of have an unwritten understanding that it’s enough, for now – I don’t push, give him space and take it one day at a time, I expect the same from him. This week, apparently we are going for broke. Yesterday I was invited to his place – out of the blue (I usually initiate our contacts) by him. (Stop the press!), which makes it 3 times that we have seen each other this week (and the week it’s not over yet). We had a great time, as always.

Today, we are talking via IM and it went something like this (I did not save the conversation, so it my not be word by word – but I remember pretty much the gulp of it.)

M: Hey, my friends are coming over next Friday and I wanted to know if you could join us for drinks, dancing, whatever. I’m inviting you early to get into your social calendar!”

I knew this was reaching, since it’s a Friday night – which is not so good with him (I have no clue why it is like this and frankly I’m sticking to our unwritten arrangement and have not asked). But, sometimes all you need to do is ask, right? You may just get what you want…

Not so much in this case… As I get the, all knowing response from him:

RUYN: “nope, not available, you know how I am with my Fridays and lunches. Another day and you may get more yes instead of no’s”

(Actually RYUN, I have no clue how you are with your Fridays, but hey, I’m a glutton for punishment so I’m sending you the inevitable double edge doomed question):

M: ‘k, can I ask you a questions? “Why is it that we are falling on the pattern of only seeing each other either at “your house” or “my house” and not taking the time to do other activities? Like movies, dinner, events and such? I mean, yes the benefits are there, but the key word here is “friends” with benefits. Friends, as: lets go out and see a movie, lets go out and climb a mountain, lets go out and see a show… “

RUYN: “there may some truth there, last night I was going to try to prove a point but,…” and then I read the next line: “the thing is, that now, its just not only about s*x”

Well hot damn! I almost dropped dead right there and there! I started to over think: should I push? Should I ask more, clarify? And since I’m going for broke here, I sent over this volley:

M: “I’m going to ask for clarification here, are we like moving into something other than friends w/benefits label? I need to know if the rules of this little game are changing, since I need everything spelled out in black and white, so there is no confusion here.

He comes back with a spike:

RUYN: “nope, rules have not changed. But, I enjoy your company and last night, I wanted you here and not necessarily for s*x, but I knew you drove all the way over here for that and even thought I was tired, I wanted to please you – I’m not complaining, it was great and I enjoy it, but I wanted to prove something and got sidetracked”.

Well… well… I sent another volley back with:

M: “Actually, you are wrong, I drove over there, because I wanted to see you and spend time with you, since I, like you also enjoy your company and not just for the s*x part. We could have just watched the movie and gone to bed to sleep and that is it. It does not need to lead to anything; there is no obligation at all, but, I got the feeling that is what you wanted, since it’s not very often that you invite me over to your place out of the blue like you did last night”

RUYN: “Well, thanks you for clarification of this.”

Like…Uh?

M: “Now that we got that out of the way, I guess I can curve my horny-ness and be boring”

RUYN: “You boring? – never!”

He knows me well.

What does this mean? I been trying to set a deadline with RUYN, if you have been reading, I think I gave myself a month to see were it may lead and for him to realized what he has “right under his nose” and to get it together. Apparently, the joke is on me, we are coming up to a 2 month, and I have extended the deadline without consent. I have come to the fork in the road folks. One is shouting, give it time and pursue it, keep going out on dates and keep him in the sidelines and as back up, who knows he may come around and discovered that you been there all along. The other is telling me, haven’t you learned anything in the last 10 years??? Deadline is over – kill it, buried it deep down and move on.

Shit, I hate the voices on my head.

For now, I’m going to analyze this a little bit more, because frankly the options have dried up and there is no other prospect in sight. And I’m just shallow enough not to deprived myself of good company, good conversation, and good s*x.

I will think of the consequences later.

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One Response to “Stringing along? I may think of the consequences later.”

  1. Anonymous October 6, 2005 at 6:01 pm #

    I think you should go for really broke. Tell him what you want, how you would like the relationship to be. He may surprise you ! Hey may be waitting on you to tell him what you want.

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