Memo

13 Nov

To:      The twenty-something mind of Monica
From: The thirty-something body of Monica

This is to inform you (for you to get a CLUE) that you no longer have the capability of going out for late night drinking and rock n’ roll until the wee hours of the morning.

Your may very well attempt to do this and during that time you may think you are having the most fun you had since slide bread, but we would like to warn you the side effects of you twenty-something mind thinking that you are more than capable of doing this:

  •  
    • Massive headache (the one that any amount of pills will not make it go away)
    • World around you may feel a bitsy itsy nauseating and move to fast
    • World around you may feel a bitsy itsy nauseating and move to slow
    • Bones may or may not hurt (we are going with they will)
    • Catatonic-like-state will most likely be experience.
    • Delayed process from brain will be experience (everything will take about an hour to compute in mind, at which point you will look like a fool for answering questions asked hours before)
    • Hearing and Speech will be highly compromise.  Nothing will be coherent coming from you or coming from others

These side-effects may last up to 24 hours and no amount of sleep, drugs, darkness and/or soothing drinks will make them go away.

We ask that you remember that the next time your twenty-something mind thinks that it can get away with this behavior, the thirty-something body will be kicking its ass.

Sincerely,

Your thirty-something body Management team.

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3 Responses to “Memo”

  1. Diane Mandy November 14, 2007 at 1:09 am #

    Would you please send my nearly 40-something body the same message. PPLLEEASEEE!

  2. Monique November 14, 2007 at 3:04 am #

    That’s why my thirtysomethingbody stopped speaking to my twentysomethingmind. But now fortysomethingbody is knocking and thirtysomethingbody is laughing her ass off.

  3. BeelzebuDasHell November 14, 2007 at 7:05 am #

    Oh heck, we guys even write songs about it.

    As Good As I Once Was”
    Tobby Keith

    She said, “I’e seen you in here before.”
    I said, “I’ve been here a time or two.”
    She said, “Hello, my
    Name is Bobby Jo
    Meet my twin sister Betty Lou
    And we’re both feeling kinda wild tonight
    And you’re the only cowboy in this place
    And if you’re up for a rodeo
    We’ll put a big Texas smile on
    Your face”
    I said, “Girls,”

    [Chorus]
    I ain’t as good as I once was
    I got a few years on me now
    But there was a time back in my prime

    When I could really lay it down
    And if you need some love tonight
    Then I might have just enough
    I ain’t as good as I once was
    But I’m as good once as I ever was

    I still hang out with my best friend dave
    Ive known him since we were kids at school
    Last night he
    Had a few shots
    Got in a tight spot hustlin’ a game of pool
    With a couple of redneck boys
    One great
    Big bad biker man
    I heard David yell across the room
    “Hey buddy, how ’bout a helping hand.”
    I said, “Dave,”

    [Chorus]
    I ain’t as good as I once was
    My how the years have flown
    But there was a time back in my prime

    When I could really hold my own
    But if you wanna fight tonight
    Guess thouse boys dont look all that
    Tough
    I ain’t as good as I once was
    But I’m as good once as I ever was

    I used to be hell on wheels
    Back when I was younger man
    Now my body says, “You can’t do this boy”

    But my pride says, “Oh, yes you can

    I ain’t as good as I once was
    Thats just the cold hard truth
    I still throw a few back, talk a little smack
    When I’m feelin bullet proof
    So don’t double dog dare me now
    ‘Cause I’d have to call your bluff

    I ain’t as good as I once was
    But I’m as good once as I ever was
    Maybe not be good as I once was
    But I’m as good once as I ever was

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