With this kind of mis-representation who would want to date?

4 Jan

My HORRORscope for today…. 

“Inspiration is lighting a fire under your ass. The heat may end up sending you in an unexpected direction, but it could actually be a good thing. Try not to screw it up this time.”

I think that is my cue to get back into the dating pool.  Plus as I recall its part of my 2008 resolution to fall in love, I guess I need a man to do the falling with, right?  Having said that, I went back to reading blogs about dating and this dozy made my Google reader list today…

The Men’s Health Magazine (yeah I read it, because its always good to know what men are thinking out there) wrote an article called 50 Things She Wishes You Knew, where they compiled 50 things a woman wants a men to know.  So you know, to make.it.easier on them.

First let me start with this:

Dear god, WHO IN THE HELL WROTE (and approved) THESE? 

If I were a man and read these, it will confirm that belief most women out there are scheming manipulative bitches lunatics and will not date them or even try to date them – I will probably turn gay.

These are the kind of article that gives us a bad rap. 70% of the list is totally stupid and some are right down insulting.  A break down on those that made me yell YES!  Those that made me yell WHAT.THE.HELL? And some that were completely stupid.

Let’s start off with the insulting, WTH’s and the plain stupid:

7. “Fine” is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.
This is the oldest complaint in the book. If you don’t want to hear the truth, don’t ask for it and then pick a fight when he says “fine”? Grow up.

11. I expect you to call me.
Can we say needy and insecure? And excuse me “EXPECT IT?”  Get a life.

14. I’m more forgiving of you than I really should be.
First, I can even begin to understand what this really means, and if it means what I think it means…What a hateful thing to say!

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.
Yeah, buy me stuff. Lots of stuff. Then you can do whatever you want. ‘Cause all I really want is lots of stuff. *gag*

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.
Refer back to #11

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you–and for you to recognize this.
The world revolves around me, doesn’t it? It does, right? Whatever, go buy me something.

42. It’s best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.
Buy me things! More things! Buy me stuff! Me me me me!! *more gagging*

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.
Uh, what? I mean, that made the list? That’s retarded.

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.
Because you know, you are superman and can read our thoughts.  Seriously, who the f*** approve these?

There are more, trust me, but those were the worse in my book.

These are the hits, unfortunately they are not that many (someone needs to tell the editors to get a CLUE):

3. I will leave if you lie.
True, true and true.  Harsh and unfair? No its not, it’s the truth. Its all about having respect for the one that you love and lying is NOT ok in any book. I don’t think I’d be with you anyway if you were a liar, but I don’t really see any reason to stay with you if you are. Been there, done that.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.
This one is a favorite of mine, I will probably crack up when you whisper in my ear, but that is because I tickle easily.

32. I’m in heaven when you hold my hand.
Now being in “heaven” is a bit of a stretch, but trust me, sometimes the simple things are what matters the most and what makes us happy.

48. For the record: I’d rather you break up with me than cheat.
Golden rule in my book.

Surprising that out of 50 things, I agreed with 4… FOUR!  No wonder most men out there are clueless!

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