A bit of a self-centered bitch attitude going on… a good kick in the butt to snap out of it is needed

25 Nov

I have been feeling a bit out of touch with myself. I’m a total buzz kill. There has been a lot of going on around me.  Work has been a bitch.  I have piles of other work (and pressure) from helping my sister (which let me say… I love to death… I really do… but as a boss? She is the most difficult boss I have ever had to deal with) and all of this on top of the fact that Tom and I have stopped our plan to move forward with remodeling the now, hated house (there I said it, I.TOTALLY.HATE.THE.HOUSE!) wewww, that felt good (now I have to go outside and shout it out).

Now don’t get me wrong, moving in together was a great decision, one that I don’t regret.  I was something we were talking about doing, and we were just waiting to find the right time in order for it to benefit the both of us – we wanted to sell his house first.  And find something together that would be “OUR” house.  Because from past experiences, I have learned a very BIG lesson – I don’t do well in other peoples houses.  No matter how my ex declared his house to me, it was not a house that I choose, it was not a house that I was part of from the beginning, so in my mind and heart it was NOT MY HOUSE.  I know, pompous attitude of mine.  But, it is what it is.

So Tom and I made plans. Because, I plan things, I make lists, I need order around me or I self-destruct. And because the universe is never aligned with my agenda… circumstances (beyond my control) happen and I ended moving into his house.

And I have made the best of it. 

Tom has been a bachelor for almost 5 years, so internet I think you know where this is going.  I tried to infuse my organizational “suggestions”, and for the most part they have been accepted.  The key words her are: “for the most part”, because about 70% of them are also ignored… and this creates a total unbalance environment for me.  I know he has tried, I know that he DOES tried, but I guess the “living on my own” is stronger than “I’m living with someone now and she does not like that my dirty clothes are next to the hamper as oppose of IN.THE.HAMPER”.

Yes, it has been hard. 

And I have been patient and understanding and have tried my hardest not to nag, but being easy and breezy is not cutting it.  I’m totally resenting the fact that I now have to add “house break my boyfriend” to my To Do list.

This past Sunday, I could not hold off any longer and a screaming match occurred (he actually started it, I sort of finish it – the drama people.. the drama!), one that is still going on strong (on the silent side), regardless of the apology I got from him yesterday.

So it got me to thinking why I could not let it go.  I mean its part of living together, right? We get on each others spaces and well, sometimes invading the space of the other can piss you off – that is normal, right?  And then I realized: “duh! That is the problem… I don’t have my space; it’s all of HIS space, because well it’s HIS house.  It’s not the fact that he is not keeping up with my organizational schedule. It’s the fact that it’s his house, my stuff is still in storage (because we don’t have a lot of room in the house), and holy shit, I miss having my space. Even the cats miss having THEIR space.  And of course the house needs major updating, which makes it even harder, since I don’t even have the excuse that the surroundings are a plus.  (You try to cook in a stove that’s older than me – yeah, just try it and get back to me). 

I’m trying to find humor, I’m trying to talk my way around it, and I’m trying so hard to just let it go.  And I’m totally giving myself an “F” in effort, because, shit I.cannot.do.it.  And I’m feeling guilty, because with so many people loosing their home and so many homeless people living on the street, (which I see every day in my neighborhood) I should be thankful and grateful that I have a roof over my head.  That I have someone that may not be perfect, but he tries so hard to be my perfect.  So what the hell is going on?  You tell me Internet, I want to hear you beat me up and spit me out for being a bit of a self-centered bitch?

In the meantime, Tom is calling the realtor.

Advertisements

2 Responses to “A bit of a self-centered bitch attitude going on… a good kick in the butt to snap out of it is needed”

  1. Diane Mandy November 26, 2008 at 11:33 am #

    I wish I had words of wisdom, but my situation was different. Max moved into my house and I did what I could to make him feel at home. But if i had moved into his bachelor pad–oh my! Not sure how I would have handled it.

  2. Tstewart November 29, 2008 at 7:11 pm #

    It going to be OK, and Things will get better. After all you LOVE each other. And Good things come to them and I MEAN YOU!!!! Love ya, and we need to hook up Dinner You & Tom, Robert & I soon like NOW (LOL)
    Tammy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: