To win the war, you must be strong, steadfast and finally cut off the balls

9 Feb

For those joining in the fun around these parts late in the game, I live with the boyfriend (Tom) and his two dogs (Maggie and the dumb dog Rufus). I wrote about them before here and here

Go on, take a look, so you can be all caught up…I will wait. 

Ok, back? Good, lets move along. 

Anyhow, the dumb dog Rufus is almost 4 years old. His owner, being the man he is, decided that Rufus should be one big male dog. With his parts intact and all. Because the family jewels would eventually be put to use to sire a bunch of cute puppies that hopefully did not have the pee brain of their father. 

For those a bit lost in the analogy above, let me clarify: the dog still has his balls. 

And this will not be a problem if we live in something like this: 

God, I'm not a dog, but I will kill for this to be my backyard.

 

But we don’t, we live in the city, in a house that is 1,650 square feet, with a backyard, that for city standards is pretty big, but nothing compare to rolling green pastures that Rufus needs. 

The big dog likes it – most of the time. He roams, he barks, he sniffs and makes sure that every-single leave, tree, grass patch, twig is marked. And marked good. 

Because he is a dog – a MALE dog and that is what they do, when they have balls. 

And I’m good with this. 

Except that a bitch has come to the neighborhood and thus disrupted the dumb dog Rufus world.  Making him stand by the window to whimper and cry and howl, just like a typical male wanting to hump have something he can not have. 

But, what Rufus has found is the need to not only double mark everything OUTSIDE the house, but INSIDE as well. 

The targets of war, my friends in no particular order: 

The sofa in the living room
The living room rug
The pillows on top of the living room sofa
The kitchen loveseat
The kitchen rug
The kitchen pillows on top of the loveseat 

Yes, we are talking full frontal war. And we have sent in the following troops to hold the front lines: 

Bleach
Vinegar
Oxy clean
Wet Vac
Patience
Tom
Lots of time
Washer & Dryer
And a lot of curse words not worthy of being told here, lest children are in the vicinity. 

Unfortunately, after much fighting we could not save all targets and have some casualties: 

The living room rug
The kitchen rug 

RIP guys! 

They did not make it. And I’m really, really pissed about it. 

So pissed that I told Tom that male jewels were full of crap and that before I raised the white flag I will send in the greatest troop for a sure victory. 

The dumb dog Rufus has an appointment on Monday to have his family jewels promptly cut off. 

White flag, my ass.  Not even this pretty face will make me divert from the set course: 

stand watch buddy, not for long!

 

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One Response to “To win the war, you must be strong, steadfast and finally cut off the balls”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Chocolate Cake, Ball-less dog, photography. As you can see it’s an “All-over-the-place” post. « MACA's WORLD - February 16, 2010

    […] us was just a day like any other except that there was a lot of ball jokes (honoring the upcoming neutering of Rufus) and some […]

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