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It has been a great ride

2 Jun

Shit, I just counted (with my fingers – I need all the help I can get with it comes to math) and holy shit, that’s 5 years!

FIVE YEARS!

729 post, 331 comments

FIVE FREAKING YEARS where I meet a huge amount of other bloggers along the way. Drank a lot of coffee, gone in a lot of “bad” dates, had great vacations, had major changes in my life, celebrated my 40th birthday, found the one, launched another blog, that has me excited and giddy and learning a whole set of rules and stuff.

In order words, for the past 5 years I have use the blogosphere to feed my soul. It has given me a purpose, an outlet, I have learned about myself.  This tiny little bit of space in the mass internet has served my purpose. Even if some of you think is pure bullshit.

And I think some of you may have sense this coming (if I still have a readership at this point) since my posts have become fewer and farther between in the past months.

I have a full time job, a life (a great one!) and new interests and a shitload of stress going on in my life right now, which gives me a free pass to obsess about. But, it does not give me time or purpose to come here and continue to feed my soul.

I’m tired.

And I got nothing. And the little that I do have, I’m using it all up for other things.

And I don’t do things half-ass. It’s not my way. I’m the one that thinks big, guns blazing in your face – CHARGE AHEAD!

And I realized that I cannot do that anymore in this tiny space in the mass internet.

Instead I dread it, and try to put it in the back of my mind. And I cared way too much for this blog to disrespect it this way.

So the more I thought about it, I realized that just like any relationship, this one has run its course and its time to cut it loose.

I may be back, who knows. I may re-think about all of this and get my blogging “mojo” back or something brilliant may happens and I have to come in guns blazing in your face and post about it.

Or maybe not.

But, whatever happens, happens and either way, I just want to say thanks, to all of you for reading and commenting. For making me love it for 5 years, for making me strive to be better for five years for having 729 reasons to remember what a wonderful fucking good ride it was.

You can still find me over at Sweetbites if you cannot help part with me.

Adulthood, and eye opener

8 Oct

Today, my paternal grandmother passed away.

While I was a child, I very closed to my nonna (as we called her) and I adore her. She was the one that taught me to cook, make the bed the proper way, iron the proper way and so many other things, that I child learns while growing up. I have fond memories of her, one that clearly comes to mind is me, about 5 or 6 years old sitting on top of her kitchen table (which still sits in her kitchen) with a bowl of cake batter and the spatula waiting for her to crack the eggs so I could mix it up inside the batter. I was so impatient, and she was careful to point out that things in life need to be taken slow and enjoy, because you never know when those moments will change.

Unfortunately, as I grew older, the adult in me saw her flaws and faults and realized that she was not the woman to be, the woman that as a child, I loved unconditionally and with no reserved. I lost respect for her and could never recovered from that, I broke all communications from her and for the past 3 years of so, have not spoken a word to her.

Today, when I heard the news, it made me a bit sad, and deep down I wish that in death she has found a bit of peace that in life elude her.

Being one again and feeling ok with it.

13 Mar

This past weekend I traveled down under into Cubanland (aka: Miami). While there, not only did I spend time with BFF and other friends from the past, I did some mayor hard, cold thinking about my existing relationship with BF. And came to the realization that while he is a great catch, and has everything a woman would want, my feelings were not there and at this point will never be. I was not in love with him and while I struggle to open myself to him, and go thru the motions, those feelings keep eluting me until I knew that it was time to cut deep and put this one behind us.

The BF was hurt (and I totally got it, since his feelings were front and center) and once I try to explain that he deserved someone that could return his feelings fully, he came to the same conclusion as me and once more showed his classy side of himself and accepted my decision. And while break-ups are hard and painful, I was lucky that this one turn out well (I have not been so lucky in the past). There is something to be said when two adults can have an open communication and common understanding. I may be jumping the gun and this can blow up in my face, since it has been only a day since we had the break-up and he can come back with some crazy behavior, but I going with my gut and know that the possibility of this happening are very remote.

For now, we are both licking our wounds and re-grouping. And once more I’m putting myself out there, and with it a bit wiser and more knowledgeable of what my wants and needs are. Because I going to get this right once and for all.