MMM… I’m tempted

To come back… still working it in my head.

It has been a great ride

Shit, I just counted (with my fingers – I need all the help I can get with it comes to math) and holy shit, that’s 5 years!

FIVE YEARS!

729 post, 331 comments

FIVE FREAKING YEARS where I meet a huge amount of other bloggers along the way. Drank a lot of coffee, gone in a lot of “bad” dates, had great vacations, had major changes in my life, celebrated my 40th birthday, found the one, launched another blog, that has me excited and giddy and learning a whole set of rules and stuff.

In order words, for the past 5 years I have use the blogosphere to feed my soul. It has given me a purpose, an outlet, I have learned about myself.  This tiny little bit of space in the mass internet has served my purpose. Even if some of you think is pure bullshit.

And I think some of you may have sense this coming (if I still have a readership at this point) since my posts have become fewer and farther between in the past months.

I have a full time job, a life (a great one!) and new interests and a shitload of stress going on in my life right now, which gives me a free pass to obsess about. But, it does not give me time or purpose to come here and continue to feed my soul.

I’m tired.

And I got nothing. And the little that I do have, I’m using it all up for other things.

And I don’t do things half-ass. It’s not my way. I’m the one that thinks big, guns blazing in your face – CHARGE AHEAD!

And I realized that I cannot do that anymore in this tiny space in the mass internet.

Instead I dread it, and try to put it in the back of my mind. And I cared way too much for this blog to disrespect it this way.

So the more I thought about it, I realized that just like any relationship, this one has run its course and its time to cut it loose.

I may be back, who knows. I may re-think about all of this and get my blogging “mojo” back or something brilliant may happens and I have to come in guns blazing in your face and post about it.

Or maybe not.

But, whatever happens, happens and either way, I just want to say thanks, to all of you for reading and commenting. For making me love it for 5 years, for making me strive to be better for five years for having 729 reasons to remember what a wonderful fucking good ride it was.

You can still find me over at Sweetbites if you cannot help part with me.

Lotto tickets, landlord, agreements, it never ends!

You are probably thinking that I have bail out of here, because my previous post prediction came true and I’m swimming in 252 million dollars and living it up, nowhere near a computer but somewhere in a deserted island drinking fruity-umbrella topped drinks.

Leaving you all here… wondering.

Well, yeah.

Did.not.happen.

*sigh*

Somebody else won the 252, and THEY are probably swimming and living it up with MINE money.

But I’m not keeping score, I’m happy for that winner – live it up! Enjoy it! WHATEVER. (we don’t want to piss of the universe or she will be kicking my ungrateful ass).

But, I’m still buying lotto tickets, because you know, 252 millions would have been like AWESOME, but we can make it a go with 45 millions, or heck who am I kidding, even 10 would be good!

So, we are back to counting our pennies and living dangerously in the edge of the economic wave.

Fun, Fun!

But, you know what fun is? The fact that we are signing a one year lease in a week.

Yeah, for us! We found our house!

Except that it’s even better, because this house – we don’t have to do anything! No packing, no decorating, no fixing.

Because….

We are staying right where we are now.

We made our landlord see the light.

He is pulling the house off the market for now because, you know – NOBODY is buying, especially if your asking price is like 20% ABOVE the market.

I’m just saying.

So, yeah, the cloud that has been pressing on us, as lifted. We don’t have to do anything right now, except enjoy the fact that we have now 12 more months to procrastinate this task.

Instead we are thinking on celebrating with a quick road trip.

But we have no clue as to where.

Any thoughts?

I’m having a pity party, come on in

The magic number is  two, one, two

That is what is posted as the amount we would will win if when we hit 6 numbers on this weekend’s Florida Powerball.

Two hundred and twelve millions

Millions… there is A LOT of zeros in there – LOTS!

I’m dreaming a bit, I know, I know it’s a fantasy, but why in the hell not? Have you not read the secret? You need to PUT it OUT THERE, VISUALIZE IT, EMBRACE IT, LIVE IT and the UNIVERSE will give it BACK.  And we are so ready!

So, as I was passing the big billboard, on my way home from work last night, revealing those magic numbers for everyone to see, I replayed the classic “money/no object” game in my head. You know, the one where you ask: “If money were no object, what would I do?”

This is a fun game to play, and it’s even better when you realize that you wouldn’t change much about your plan or daily life.  Maybe attitude would be a better description?

Ok, yeah, I mean, there will be a change of plan of course; there will be lots of changes. But ultimately, the only think I could come up after asking this question was “relief”. Why relief? Well, because ultimately hitting the jackpot will give us the ability to lift this heavy thing we carry around all day long – the one that is crushing us a bit each day.

It’s no secret, right now we are struggling (and everyone else I gather) a bit in the financial front. Tom has just switched jobs, and while it pays more than the previous job, it’s a slow climb to making a bit more on every paycheck. And as for me, work has decided that I can do the job of 4 people, at the bargain price of one low-end employee.  So, yes, I have joined the ranks of over-worked employee, and HATING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

And I can hear you already, shouting – “you are so ungrateful there are SO MANY people without a job out there – count yourself lucky that you have a job at all.” And yes, it may be true, that I’m a bit unappreciative and selfish, but you know what? I do wake up giving thanks everyday that I have a job to go to, that Tom has a job to go to. But, this is our reality. This is our issues, and it may surprise some of you, that I may feel lucky while at the same time feeling I’m drowning as well.

But, it’s there, that feeling and it won’t go away.. and dude, this is my pity party – come on in, have a seat and if you don’t like it, there is the door.

It sucks, and its taking a toll on us. We are by no means people who spend huge amounts of money on wimps and things. But, we both would love to ride in that feeling of “relief” that comes from knowing that bills will be paid on time, without doing complicating math order to juggle that bank account balance. That we can take a  vacation to get-away and not think about spending that extra buck in that over-price drink with the umbrella on top. Or the fact that we can live in the house we want without any compromising. That we can give back and help others less lucky than us.  That we can guarantee our children’s future.  That we can work on what we love and not for a paycheck.

Yes, “Relief”, that is what those magic numbers will bring to us.

So, I’m putting it out there, practicing visualization, knowing that we hold that ticket that will give us our relief…

…and the ability to afford the over-price drinks with the umbrella on top.

We are so playing roulette now

After weeks of sleepless nights (on my part), various burst of non-rational behavior (on my part), numerous house appointments with crappy landlords and real estate agents and basic hand holding (on Tom’s part) we have decided to stay put in our present digs.

Meaning – we are putting “looking for new digs in order to move next month” on hold.

Tom had a discussion with our landlord, showing him the benefits of keeping a tenant in his property during the time his FOR SALE sign is up front. The landlord, in turn was quick to jump up and agree all around when Tom and I created a united front and offered to stay put, in exchange of a cut in our rent, free staging (we have awesome decorating skill, with the help of awesome friends) and the cool factor of having a hip, young couple (with 4 animals) take care of your property.

Some may think this is playing a bit of roulette and the landlord may turn around and stick it to us. We would like to think it’s a way for us not to kill each other and get out of packing up boxes a bit longer.

Plus, Tom gets to have a break from my rather irrational behavior of wanting things to happen right now.

So, for the time being, we will continue to look at what is out there for the future “PC” dream home. But, at least, we don’t have the stress hanging over our head that we need to MOVE OUT NOW.

Dude, it’s totally a win-win situation for all parties involved in this saga.

Last night was the first night I sleep – in 2 months!

And it had nothing to do with the fact that we celebrated well into the night, by sharing sloppy kisses.

You are FIRED!

So, as you may know. Tom and I are in the hunt for a new rental property. Our landlord is not kicking us out, in fact he has been totally on board for us to stay as long as our contract runs and has even offered to make sure that if the house is sold, we have plenty of time to find a new house and move out. But, just the action of putting the house up for sale, has totally disrupted our daily life.

Because, well in order to be always prepare of THE call from the realtor about showing the property, we have to keep the house in top shape – as in clean and orderly.

We have to make the bed on a daily basis – y’all!

Ok, we DON’T have to. But, remember I’m a type A and there is NO WAY we are going to be one of THOSE people who have the house messy and dirty and are then talked behind their backs about how messy and dirty we are by the people who were snooping around our things during a house showing in the first place.

So in the attempt, to not to be ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I have totally and fully embrace the art of going totally nuts and keeping the house as clean and clear of clutter as I can.

There have been fights and tension and lots of screaming in the last couple of weeks around these parts.

Because Tom, while understands the need to keep the house clean, does not understand the need to do it 24/7.

*Pff’!*

And I know that I’m being totally irrational and Yes, I know… I have issues – more than you can imagine. But, I just cannot TURN IT OFF.

So, my boyfriend has put down his foot and announced that there was no way, no how, we were going to stay in the house while it was up for sale. And so the 2010 MOVE project has been in full force for the last 3 weeks.  We have been consumed by rental ads, Managements company house list and crazy, crazy landlords living in their delusional bubbles.

We have seen about 10 houses so far. And let me tell you… there are A LOT of THOSE PEOPLE out there. There was the house, that we were totally afraid of touching anything less we catch something. Or the house where the carpet was totally the color of poop and it smell just like that.  Lots of houses had small kitchens being described as cozy and quaint (WTF?). And hello realtor/landlord a room without a closet DOES NOT a BEDROOM make.

But yesterday, we realized how low inventory on rentals around our town was.

We had been waiting to see this particular house for a bit now. The pictures look good, and the square footage was perfect, we were gaining almost 500 square feet more than what we have now… so we were pump about seeing this house.  Since the landlord has a bunch of rules (no showing before 6pm on the weekday, no showing during the weekend, no this, no that.) We had to put our name on the list and wait for a call back. (we should have quit at this point)

On Monday, the management company called us and told us to be there on Tuesday at 6pm.

We were there at 5:45pm

We sat outside the house, because well, we wanted to be respectful and polite. We figure the realtor would be meeting us OUTSIDE the property.

At 5:55pm, another car showed up and out steps this woman… Tom asked her if she was the realtor and she responded that she was there to SEE the house.

HELLO?

We looked at each other and thought “they double booked the showing?”

Apparently they did more than double book the showing.

Because, at 6pm 3 more cars showed up and about a gazillion people piled out. And before we knew it we were all on the yard like groupies waiting for the band to show up on stage. As soon as the door open and the realtor (we assume this, since he never had the chance to open his mouth) stepped out, there was a stampede trying to get INTO the house.

Tom and I were the only ones left outside the yard, totally looking at each other and wondering what the hell has just happen.  Then we decided to not waste our time, and to cut our losses and leave.  The whole thing was leaving us a bad taste.  Plus during this another 4 cars showed up!

Wait? Were we missing something? Is this the new way management companies show houses now?

We did not want anything to do with it.

We decided that the house was not good enough and promptly left, but before that we walked up to the realtor and promptly told him “You are FIRED!”

Now we now understand the satisfaction that Donald Trump gets when he uses does words.

The one where I find out actual people do read this blog and they are my “FANS” and that sunshine is more important that blogger’s block.

The other day as I was lying in bed nursing a bad back, I got a tweet from a follower that went something like this:

“@eusmaca Hey… why aren’t you blogging? Your fans miss you! Hope everything is okey with you, the man, the dog, etc.”

I almost fell of the bed!

My first thought?

SHIT, I HAVE FANS?

As in real people?

My second thought?

CRAP, I HAVE FANS!

My third thought?

It has not been that long since I posted… has it?

I went online and there it was my last post was a month ago. A MONTH! Jesus a full month since I posted!

What the hell have I been doing?

And I thought back and realized that apparently I had taken a bit of a “break” from blogging.  Because March has been a supper busy month in our house.

The month started with entertaining out of town family, followed by a spike of work load. And let’s not forget the on-going saga of looking for a new place to live.

You know all the normal stuff. And while it seems that everything I been doing may be “blogable” material, when I would sit in front of the computer, I would get huge amounts of bloggers block.  There I sat staring blankly at the screen unable to string a sentence together for hours on end. And somewhere in my subconscious I must have heard a whisper “if you have nothing to say – it’s probably best to say nothing at all”

Did I just quote an Air Supply song?

So, since you all know I love list… lets recap in bullet point format

• We were surprised to learn that in a couple of months we will be buying baby stuff and no it’s NOT FOR US. But, for Tom’s brother’s who announce that arrival of a niece or nephew for Tom this coming fall. We are all excited about this. I have to say that I’m a bit jealous (in a good way). Tom has made sure we have extra protection during this phase, because according to him “it can spread like wildfire” – I have no clue what he is talking about.
• Our house hunting continues and it’s kicking our butt. Supply and demand on rental property in our area sucks. Everything is too small, too expensive and to ugly. Yes, we are picky people – we are not apologizing for it either. I know there is that perfect house out there for us – I feel it. But, it’s just driving me bat-shit that it’s not going according to my schedule. Yes, I know, I need to chill the hell up.
• I’m happy to report that I have obtain fans over at my food blog as well (yes, I’m plugging the other blog here) and my photography has been so well received, that is has given me a huge boost in my confident. Which has got me to seriously think that is about time to switch careers at this point of my life. I just need to hold on to my security blanket a bit more before taking the jump.
• But in order to do that jump I have joined numerous groups who like to meet and discuss everything there is to know about food, marketing, photography, business and all that jazz. My weekends are not my OWN anymore.
• And talking about career changes…Tom has started a new job. One that makes him feel so much better about what he does in a daily basis. With the extra benefit of better pay.
• And since the fans are asking: The balls-less dog, is just doing fine thankyouverymuch. He is not missing anything that was there before and he continues to be his big goofy self. Tom, still gives him sorry looks.

So there you have my fans, it has been a busy month, one filled with great news, new possibilities, new undertakings and lots of playtime because it seems that spring has kicked the winter back on its sorry ass and the weather has been incredible the last couple of weeks. Which, has enticed us to be outside more, soaking up the sunshine that was missed for the last couple of months.

And I’m sorry to say, that is more important than me sitting staring blankly at the screen unable to string a sentence together for hours on end.

But, thank you for caring and checking up on me. Once in a while I still need a good kick in the butt to remind me that I have fans!  Wow, fans.

My rock, my home, my heart and everything in between

Back on February 25th, 08′ I wrote this on a post:

“…Going on a date, not expecting anything, actually dreading it, since I was not on the mood for it, and having it turn into a 5 hour date, full of great conversation, lots of laughs, and the best looking hazel eyes I seen on a man yet.”

2 Days later I wrote this:

“Last night I went out on a date, with a man that does not fit the mold for my idea of a partner. And as I sat finding fault with everything in front of me, I felt that same light bulb moment that I did 5 years ago. I mentally shouted out “F*** it” and started to see everything that was right about him. Rather than give in to the fight-or-flight response that comes from my instinct to have the right person, in my mold, I suddenly found myself wanting the challenge of finding someone new, different than me, who can teach me new ways to evolve into a higher, more beautiful expressions of myself, realizing, embracing, and celebrating the beauty of having someone that may offer me not such a boring life.”

And for the past 2 years, I have been challenged in spades.

Today, Tom and I are celebrating our 730th day together as a couple. SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY!

Shit!

That sounds like a lot, doesn’t it?

And those seven hundred and thirty days have been filled with laugher, tears, major freaked outs (mostly by me), 2 moves, lost of a parent, lost of a job (twice!), various trips by plane, by car. Holidays, Birthdays, minor freaked out’s (mostly by me) and everything else in between.

We have learned when to give each other space, when to pull each others weight, when to created united fronts and when to know to let each of us battle their own battles.

Our respect for each other has grown and multiplied. We have learned to trust and valued each others actions. Question our thoughts and share our ideas and dreams. We have fallen more in love (yeah sappy right?) with each other than ever.

He has taught me to be confident in reaching higher and be bolder in my every day choices because he will always be there to catch me no matter what.

He is the person I want to see all the time, be around all the time. The opinions that matter the most. He is the father I want for my children. He is the man I want to reach out to when I’m old and grey and in need of a hand.

He is my rock, my home, my heart and everything in between.

So, baby, here is to us. We made it this far, and I’m not afraid anymore to make it farther still.

Couplehood... still learning to navigate

Coveting a Dyson, and Cheese puff more than ever

Today marks the 9th day that I have not slept in my own bed. No, I have not moved out, simply put I been pet sitting a shit load of peoples dogs.

We need the extra “mula” and while I’m so grateful that I can do this (easy job) to get it, I miss my house, my bed and of course Tom. Not necessary in that order.

But, this week marks what I’m going to call the family-galorethon. Because Tom’s family has decided to leave their cold abode and head down to bask in our forty-degree weather. So, for the next 2 weeks we have 2 sets of family branches in our mist.

And I’m not complaining, because I love his family. I have come to adore them as I adore Tom. They are funny, gracious and have embraced me fully into their fold. And of course family duty calls – numerous get-togethers, dinners, outings and I would be the first one to enjoy all this activities except that adding that to the mix of someone that has not been sleeping in her own bed for the past 9 days can be a bit overwhelming.

In order words: I have freaked the hell up a couple of times in the last 3 days.

And poor Tom has paid the price. And since we need to put a spin on it, I have decided to morph into super woman and invite the family to not one dinner, not two, but three.

Because, I apparently love to walk on the wild side in order to push my limits.

Or we can also see Tom’s version which is “You are PLAIN CRAZY!”

So of course, as I write this, the mental list is growing by the second. Menus need to be set! Supermarket trips need to be scheduled! Cleaning patrol needs to be assigned! And just now I realized that I may have bitten more that I can chew on this one.

Because as I’m writing this post, all these random thoughts are popping up all over the place:

OMG, I don’t have 98% of the ingredients of the chosen menus
Shit, we still have not found the replacements rugs for the dinning room and the kitchen.
Which means we need to find time to visit stores around town and hope for the best.
When in the hell would I have time to go to the 4 different supermarkets?
I have rugs to purchase!
Damn it, we have to find the replacement filter for the vacuum cleaner.
When, can I fit THAT IN?
God, I wish we have a Dyson, this would be so much easier.
Why is the BFF beating me at Words with Friends?
Oh, wait, that is for ANOTHER post.
Do we have enough tables to sit all of those people up?
Crap! No, we do not. Add call the rental people to the list!
Is it 4pm already?
Damn it! No.its.not.
Why am I hooked on the Olympic curling game? It does not make sense, it’s a boring game!
I’m craving cheese puffs so badly right now.
Jesus, I forgot there are 2 vegetarians in the family, what the hell do I cook for them?
How in the hell would owing a Dyson make things easier?
I can’t remember if the vending machine sells cheese puffs.
I really don’t feel like going all the way to the other building to find out.
I need to relax the hell up.
Where is that rental people phone number??
Is it 4pm already?
Damn it! No.its.not.

A bit overwhelm may not be the right word at this point.

And Tom my be right, “Plain Crazy” may fit better

Chocolate Cake, Ball-less dog, photography. As you can see it’s an “All-over-the-place” post.

Did everyone have a good Valentine day? I bet it was full of lovey-dove words and breakfast in bed and chocolate boxes and all that jazz?

Good, then I can live through your experiences. Because, over at the P&C house, there was no flowers, no cards, no valentine activities going on around.  And you may think that we are a bad couple, not expressing our love to each other in such a special day. But, if you know me, and have read this blog for a while you know how I feel about Valentine Day in the first place. I still stand that there is no need to have a highly commercialized day to tell a person that they are loved. Tom and I do this everyday we are together, so Sunday to us was just a day like any other except that there was a lot of ball jokes (honoring the upcoming neutering of Rufus) and some baking.

The baking part is owed to my  baking club and we have to bake a cake twice a month, and my type “A” personality will not allow me to miss a deadline if my life depended on it. Even while my type “B” personality wanted to lay out on the couch all day and watch sappy, love movies and eat cheese puff.

In other news, I have been really working in expanding my other blog – Sweetbites. It has come to my surprise that I’m sort of good at it, specially the photography part of it. I been researching and reading and joining numerous photography blogs, and groups and let me tell you it has been such a welcoming group of people, ready to hand over tons of advice and tips and tricks. It has paid off. And let me shout it out, I LOVE THE INTERNET people! It’s just awesome.

And since a picture is worth a thousand words… at the beginning my food photography looked like this:

First food picture

Which some may say that is not bad… but have you seen some of the competition out there? Yep, they are some serious food photography out here!

So the bar was high.  And I want to reach that bar so the last couple of weeks have been filled with lots of research and lots of blog browsing and reading the camera manual and taking lots and lots of pictures, some good, some bad, some really awful. But, I think all that practice is starting to paid off.  The last photographs have come up like this:

That was the Valentine Cake I did last Sunday, Yummy don't you think?

Not bad eh? There are more samples here.

And remember the high bar, I may have join the ranks, because my photos are starting to be accepted here and here and finally here.

In the meantime I have set up shop in our laundry room which is starting to look a bit small with all the stuff we have in there.  Tom’s art corner, my desk, his music corner and now on top of it all, my photography mini-studio:

Please ignore the mess around this

Because no matter how many times they shout to use NATURAL light, it’s not always so sunny in Florida.  And like everything else in the world, the fake stuff needs to work too.